Sunday School Blues

  I have, for several years now, taught a Sunday School class that goes by the appellation "The Most  Unusual Sunday School Class in America".  It is full of, in its current incarnation, somewhere between 10 and 15 boys between the ages of 10 to 13, and in our class, there is no telling what may get covered.  We  hold these 'what Does the Bible Say About.." sessions where nothing is off limits and their intrepid teacher will try his best to give a Bible answer on anything from  girls to guns.  I tell my  boys that if they pay attention they will come out of my class with a Bible  knowledge to match almost any Bible degree holder from any school in the country.
  We have contests from time to time, and I've noticed that the one or two studious kids usually win these contests, which is hardly surprising.  When we  have contests as teams, the one or two  studious kids will drag their team across the finish line, which again is  hardly surprising. I am always playing with the group dynamics to try to  motivate the unmotivated, and the latest contest has a twist.  Points are awarded for various activities ( Scripture memorization,  bringing your Bible, sword drills, etc), but unless everybody on your team  participates you get no points. This puts the studious kids in the unenviable position of motivating their teammates. If 5 kids on the  team  memorize the assigned verse, and the 6th kid doesn't, no points for anyone.
  This is all good and well, but my oldest son is in this class, and he isn't unmotivated per se, he's just  terrified of failure. He is shy to the point of paralysis, and   tends to worry himself sick about things that really aren't worth worrying about. He approached me and wanted to quit the team. I told him he wasn't allowed to quit. He said he didn't want to let everyone down. I said "Then don't".
  I understand, from a  big picture perspective that all he needs is a little success, and he will find it suits  him, but he has to get there first. The 'never say die' attitude comes easily to me, but not to him.   He has had successes in his life since he is blindingly intelligent, but the notion of other people's fates resting on his efforts paralyzes him.  In truth, I can't 'make' him perform.  He is fully capable of  doing the work, and equally capable of convincing himself that it's not worth the risk of looking foolish.
  I must admit that I am at a bit of a loss on how to help him.  All his life he has heard from me  to never quit, never surrender.  All of his life I  have told him that he should  fight till he drops and then be fully rested by the time he hits the floor. All of his life I have  quoted Winston Churchhill and  Rocky Balboa. Yet here we are, with a  task that seems, to him at least, insurmountable, and he would rather not try than fail.
  Here's the dirty little secret about his dad; I'm not particularly good at anything. I can't run very  fast or jump very high. I  am quite average looking and have a flaky memory.  I have no ear for music, and a  pretty horrific speaking voice.  Nothing comes easy for me, and  naturally  talented people  make me a little sick. But what I will do is take  my lack of ability and bury you with my effort.
  I am trying to avoid the  trap of pride in making this some sort of personal issue. I don't want to push him that much harder because he's 'my' son. I am trying to give him the exact same advice that I would give any of the other kids.  Don't give up. People are counting on you.  Do the work. It's better to  try something and fail than to try nothing and succeed.  Don't just lay there and bleed, get up and fight!  Someday he'll need that mindset. Someday the stakes will be  much higher than they are now.
  So like I said, I don't know what to do. Do you?

Real Repentance

My family  and I have been supporters of Vision Forum for years. We've  bought things from their catalog for at least 10 years, we've  bought books by  various people involved in that ministry that have been a great help to us. we've even attended a conference of theirs.
  Doug Phillips, the head of Vision Forum recently resigned, and I mention this not because I want to  highlight his failings or draw any more attention to his shortcomings that has already been drawn.  I don't want to cause his family any more  grief than he has already caused.  But honestly,  the way he departed the ministry is absolutely one of the  most impressive things I have ever seen.  The more I've read it, and re-read it, and pondered it in my heart, the less spiritual I feel.  The  longer I  think about it, the more I feel  that I've gone a long way to go when it comes to  truly repenting and forsaking my sin.
  Too often we make light of our own sin, and that seems to be especially true of those in the ministry, which of course is exactly backwards.  Sadly, when  a person in a leadership position  tries to sweep their transgression under the rug, many of those loyal to them  support this, and by their  silence commit a egregious  sin of omission.  I understand the  logic, if it can be rightly called that.  Nobody wants to see all the good that can be  done undone by a simple mistake.  But the fact is, when sin is in the camp, the way you handle it is of the utmost importance, and if handled properly, enables  more good to be done than if you hide it.  God allows restoration, but only to those who will come clean.  If you leave right, you can come back right.  Your ministry, whatever good it may be accomplishing, is not worth holding onto just for the sake of holding onto it.
  I can only hope, if I ever find myself caught up by the sin which  doth so easily beset us, that I would have half the guts Doug Phillips  displayed in his departure. I offer to you, as a model on what repentance looks like; his resignation letter.

With thanksgiving to God for His mercy and love, I have stepped down from the office of president at Vision Forum Ministries and have discontinued my speaking responsibilities.
There has been serious sin in my life for which God has graciously brought me to repentance. I have confessed my sin to my wife and family, my local church, and the board of Vision Forum Ministries. I engaged in a lengthy, inappropriate relationship with a woman. While we did not "know" each other in a Biblical sense, it was nevertheless inappropriately romantic and affectionate.
There are no words to describe the magnitude of shame I feel, or grief from the injury I caused my beloved bride and children, both of whom have responded to my repentance with what seems a supernatural love and forgiveness. I thought too highly of myself and behaved without proper accountability. I have acted grievously before the Lord, in a destructive manner hypocritical of life messages I hold dear, inappropriate for a leader, abusive of the trust that I was given, and hurtful to family and friends. My church leadership came alongside me with love and admonition, providing counsel, strong direction and accountability. Where I have directly wronged others, I confessed and repented. I am still in the process of trying to seek reconciliation privately with people I have injured, and to be aware of ways in which my own selfishness has hurt family and friends. I am most sensitive to the fact that my actions have dishonored the living God and been shameful to the name of Jesus Christ, my only hope and Savior.
This is a time when my repentance needs to be proven, and I need to lead a quiet life focusing on my family and serving as a foot soldier, not a ministry leader. Though I am broken over my failures, I am grateful to be able to spend more time with my family, nurturing my wife and children and preparing my older sons and daughters for life. So, for these reasons I want to let my friends know that I have stepped down as a board member and as president of Vision Forum Ministries. The Board will be making provision for the management of the ministry during this time. To the friends of this ministry, I ask for your forgiveness, and hope that you will pray for the Phillips family at this time, and for the men who will be responsible for shepherding the work of Vision Forum Ministries in the future.
Doug Phillips

  Interestingly, there is a follow-up letter , in which addresses the sentiments of well-meaning people that felt like he was being unnecessarily hard on himself.

I would like to express my gratitude for the great kindness so many have shown to my family in the wake of my stepping down as president of Vision Forum Ministries. My family has been greatly encouraged by many loving notes we have received. With that in mind, I want to be so very clear about the rightness of this transition, and I want to clear up some matters which have been brought to my attention. My sin has resulted in great pain within the Body of Christ, some confusion, and has given the enemies of God reason to rejoice. This is heartbreaking to me. Some have suggested that my sin was not sufficiently serious to step down. Let me be clear: it absolutely does merit my resignation. My resignation is sincere and necessary given the weightiness of my sin. Some reading the words of my resignation have questioned if there was an inappropriate physical component with an unmarried woman. There was, and it was intermittent over a period of years. The local church, not the Internet, is the proper forum for overseeing the details of a man's repentance, but I just want to be clear for the sake of peace within the Body of Christ, that the tragic events we are experiencing, including the closing of Vision Forum Ministries are my fault, and that I am sincere that I should not be in leadership, but must spend this season of my life quietly walking a path of proven repentance. Please pray for the Phillips family, the Board, and the men who have made up the staff of Vision Forum Ministries.

  Oh my goodness I feel like such a low-down dog.

The Dirtbag Advantage

  I did not grow up in church.  There is a lot in that statement, and I won’t go into details, but as it is, I received Christ when I was 21 years old and now I am raising a whole houseful of church kids.

  Church kids fascinate me, in a way.  I cannot imagine growing up in a house where imperfect people do their best to exalt a perfect God. I cannot imagine a childhood where the Bible being read is not unusual. I cannot imagine what sort of person I would have turned out to be had my parents lived for God.  I didn’t have to be convinced I was a sinner, it was obvious from my life, but what I didn’t understand is that there was already a remedy in place so that I could be reconciled to God.  My kids know this, have always known it and have known it as surely as they know the sky is blue.  It has been taught to them in a hundred different ways and hopefully lived in front of them from the day they were born.

 I have often made the statement that in lot of ways, it’s simply easier to be a complete dirtbag until you’re an adult, and then get saved.  I say this after years of watching church kids, including the ones in my house, and watching their struggles.  I have the advantage of never really having any doubts about my salvation. I don’t have a history of 3 or 4 or 5 professions of faith; I have one.  I’ve never had to  scour my life to find  massive changes that Jesus made as some sort of proof that I ‘got the goods’; those changes are obvious.  I don’t have to be educated about the scars that sin causes; I bear those scars already. I can see trouble coming a long way off since trouble is where I grew up.

  But church kids have an advantage over me, and I think it is a highly unappreciated advantage; no baggage.  Despite the great victories wrought for me and in me by Jesus Christ, I have baggage.  This baggage lingers on in my reactions to things, my thought life, and increasingly in my memories.

  For example, this morning I have had to be exposed to some of the music that I left behind.  I am amazed at the emotional memories conjured up by this music.  There are pains and heartbreaks that marked that part of my life that feel as fresh as the day they happened when I’m around that music.  There is a fresh flush of shame about how I coped with that part of life.  There is remorse for the damage I caused.   All of that has been washed away by the blood of Jesus, but it still lingers in the corners of my mind, ready to pop back on the scene and haunt. That’s baggage.

  It is not God’s will for a man to almost destroy his life and then get rescued at the last minute. It’s God’s will that people live right, and accept his pardon for   things done that were wrong. It’s not  God’s will that he be our last resort, but in his  grace and his mercy, he’ll take us even if we do come to him as a last resort.

  And if you are a church kid and you want to tell me how hard it is to be raised in church, and how oppressed you feel, I will do my best to be polite and nod my head while you blabber on.  I will just chalk your comments up to your stupidity and not hold them against you, and maybe someday, if you catch me in the right mood , we’ll compare baggage.  Any takers?

Edify

“And it came to pass , when the time was come that he should be received up , he stedfastly set his face to go to Jerusalem,  And sent messengers before his face: and they went , and entered into a village of the Samaritans, to make ready for him.  And they did not receive him, because his face was as though he would go to Jerusalem.  And when his disciples James and John saw this, they said , Lord, wilt thou that we command fire to come down from heaven, and consume them, even as Elias did ?  But he turned , and rebuked them, and said , Ye know not what manner of spirit ye are of .  For the Son of man is not come to destroy men's lives, but to save them. And they went to another village.” Luke 9: 51-56

  It is so easy to be wrong.  It is even easier to be right in letter and wrong in spirit.  In the text, the disciples   felt a certain response was appropriate, and even had a scriptural precedent for that response.  But Jesus rebuked them, not because this had never been handled that way before, but because their heart condition was dictating to them how they were going to handle it.

  If you hang around churches very long, and pay attention, you’re going to see things handled all sorts of ways, some of which will be wrong. Some of these wrong ways will have scriptural precedents.  Some of the people performing these wrong actions will have verses to back up what they are doing.  But   unless things are done in the proper spirit, the right thing can quickly become the wrong thing.

    For example, let’s say you and I have a doctrinal disagreement. It can be a small thing, or a large thing.  Some heresies are harmless, and some are harmful.  But whether it’s small or big, harmless or harmful, my heart condition towards you will dictate to me how I handle the disagreement.  I can jump on my soapbox and proclaim that ‘open rebuke is better than secret love’, which is absolutely true. I can claim 1 Timothy 5:20 in how I deal with you and use that to justify myself as I broadcast our disagreement, although I’d have to wrest the scriptures a bit to do that.  If I’m in a position of authority in the ministry, I can use that authority to subtly and not so subtly make my points.  I could do all these things, and there are times in which that is the exact biblical fix for a situation.  But unless it’s done in the right spirit, I would be as much in the wrong as the rankest heretic.

  My particular flavor of Christianity isn’t exactly known for this. In fact, if there is anything we specialize in, it is letting our commitment to doctrinal purity cloud us to the larger picture.  We’re sort of famous for dividing into camps and shooting our own wounded.  We tend to view any sort of compromise as a breach in the hull of the truth, and we forget that not only must truth be defended, but it must be defended correctly.  We aren’t willing to police our own hearts because we are so busy being right.

  The truth is, if you’re saved, you and I  are going to be together a long time, and if I truly love you as I am supposed to,  I’m going to do my best to  do what’s best for you, even at my own expense.  Even in our disagreement, you aren’t my enemy.  Even while we sort out our understanding of Biblical issues, I can be   kind without being a compromiser.   Even if we never agree while here on Earth, I can edify you without surrendering my position. I can love without crossing over into ecumenical foolishness.  The Bible says in 1 Corinthians 10 “All things are lawful for me, but all things are not expedient : all things are lawful for me, but all things edify not.”  The book of Romans commands me “Let us therefore follow after the things which make for peace, and things wherewith one may edify another.”   Philippians says I am to “esteem other better than themselves. “  I am to “walk worthy of the vocation wherewith ye are called ,  With all lowliness and meekness, with longsuffering, forbearing one another in love;  Endeavouring to keep the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace.”  Romans tells me “But if thy brother be grieved with thy meat, now walkest thou not charitably . Destroy not him with thy meat, for whom Christ died .  Let not then your good be evil spoken of :”

 So I, from scripture, have the complete liberty to not be a world-class jerk when we disagree.  Christ has both given me that liberty, and that ability.  But do I have the heart for it?

Lesson Learned

  When I first published SWINDLED, and was beginning to get some recognition, I was approached by a well-known author.  This well-known author was actually a key component in my economic re-education, and he had an idea.  Several of us had written books along a similar theme, and he thought it would be mutually beneficial if we reviewed and promoted each other’s books.  I agreed , and a couple of other people agreed.  We all exchanged copies, virtual and otherwise of each other’s work.

  I was pretty excited to be working with and receiving help from somebody who I looked up to in certain areas. I told this story to a friend of mine and she warned me not to get my hopes up. She said that when she had first started out she had been similarly solicited, and in the middle of her flattery of being noticed and taken seriously, she agreed to a great deal of work that was never reciprocated.  She reminded me that the author in particular that had arranged this deal was an atheist with some pretty horrible opinions on the issue of abortion.  Her parting advice on this was “I hope it works out, but remember that he isn’t in the business of helping you, he’s in the business of selling books, and if you help him do that, he’ll use it.”

  Regardless of her advice, I took my end of the commitment very seriously, and I  plowed into the books. I took notes, and within a few days began compiling my review.  I tried to be honest, but fair. I finished all the reviews within weeks of receiving the books, and posted them everywhere I could. I sent links to the reviews to the other authors, and got busy with the rest of my life.

  As of the time of this writing, I am the only one of that group to keep their commitment.  A few months went by and I contacted the   ‘idea man’ for this venture and tried to gently remind him of what the arrangement had been. He assured me that his review of my work was coming out any day now.  I am still waiting.  I spoke to one of the other authors over the phone and he told me that he didn’t know if he would actually get around to what he had committed to. He apologized in advance if it didn’t happen.

  So what are the lessons here?  One lesson is that you should do the right thing, and keep your commitments not because of what it will earn you in return, but because it is simply the right thing to do. I cannot control the actions or work habit of anyone else, and if they  entered into a deal with no intent on following through, that is a reflection on their character, not mine.  This famous author continues to write and lecture, receiving accolades for his smartness. At the end of the day, I got a couple of free books out of it, and an invaluable education.

 I also reaffirmed within myself that if I ever make it ‘big’, I’m going to bring as many people with me as a I can. My inspiration from this is director Sam Raimi who made movies and let all his friends be in them, plus his car. Danny Dileo did the same thing. Make a note of this; the time to be nice to me is now.

  This incident confirmed yet again that Mrs. Becky Akers, in addition to being a great writer with amazing hair, probably gets migraines from being so brilliant.